[The original introduction by Ian Milne, from a 26 September 2014 capture:]
Relationships continue in our dreams not merely as reminiscence but for their
revelations. They simply just don’t go away. Dreams of deceased colleagues,
Dennie Briggs found, pick up where you left off: there’s more work to be done,
more places to visit, more adventures to come. In one dream he was meeting with
students to talk about their dreams & who should drop in but Harry Wilmer, his
departed, long-time teacher, an expert on dreams—just in time for a dream
seminar! In another dream, an affair that had been festering in Dennie’s psyche
for over half a century, that he’d not been able to put an end to, was worked out
by his mentor, who just happened to have been a shrink!
Dreams Renew Relationships
Dennie Briggs
WHAT CAN DREAMS of close friends & colleagues tell us about those relationships? Two mentors, Harry Wilmer and Maxwell Jones, who were to greatly affect my personal development & career, entered my life in my mid-twenties. Those life-long relationships have continued following their deaths—in my dreams. Both happened to be psychiatrists, the former introduced me to the second. Let me say at the outset these incredible teachers were also cherished friends. I have expressed my partial indebtedness consciously; what is to follow are encryptions from the unconscious as well.
I met Harry Wilmer, an experienced “shrink,” tremendously creative & humane, at my first job in the 1950s; we were together in the US Navy. Instinctively I felt here was a person I could learn a great deal from—the kind of learning I’d not had much exposure to but inherently craved. I clung to his side for the next year in the group therapy project he initiated to learn all I could; he generously imparted his skills while he brought forth some of my lesser ones. Then it was time to part—Harry, leaving to bring his project to fruition through writing, while offering me an opportunity to hone my new-found skills into creating a project on my own. But before taking on that fresh assignment, he wanted to offer me a glimpse of his real-life vision—a model of what he had been trying to emulate. He arranged for me to visit the program in the UK where he had got his inspiration & to become acquainted with his colleague & friend, its creator.
South of London, I met Maxwell Jones at his rag-tag, run-down “hospital,” housed in a former Dickensian work house. There I bedded down for the next month with “Max & his gangsters,” a motley collection of rebels, misfits, and oddballs from the streets & alleys of England’s capital. Each morning I found myself seated amongst 100 nonconformists for the community meeting where, over the next hour, they attempted to sort out all their misdeeds from the past 24 hours & tried to understand the intricate & often destructive elements of their relationships. After 30 days, I believed I had encountered a lifetime of “problems” along with a bevy of possible solutions. But now I would be on my own.
From those two jam-packed experiences, I was able to apply what I’d learned. I assembled a team to form our own “therapeutic community” for disturbed sailors & marines stationed in a foreign land. Two years later, after I had departed from Japan, I enlisted the help of my two mentors to employ what we’d collectively learned into rehabilitating youthful prisoners & afterward, moved into schools to incorporate human relations into the curriculum.
Maxwell Jones died in 1990, Harry Wilmer in 2005. Memories linger, but my dreams continue those relationships; there is more work to be done, more sites to visit, more adventures to come. Although I’ve had dreams of both men over the years, I’d not regularly kept track, however, for the past three years, beginning in 2011, those dreams accelerated and so I recorded them: 105 in all, 48 with Harry, 57 with Max, & they’re still coming. There is some overlap where one has communicated about the other.
Of these 105 recorded dreams of Harry Wilmer & Maxwell Jones, I have selected a representation, illustrated by segments of those in which we were working together on projects, writing, teaching, and so on, others of a more personal nature. All these dreams can be viewed in their entirety in my Living Digital Archives under “Dreamwork.”
Harry Wilmer Dreams (1995-2013)
1. Working together
Navy, prison, university 13
2011. May 10. Returning to Oak Knoll, [Naval Hospital] the community has become very sophisticated. The members are planning to do a series of skits, perhaps a longer play. I’ve been attending meetings, taking notes; now we’re getting close to curtain time, contemplate a rehearsal, with audience participation by spontaneously bringing certain folks into the skits as they unfold. Some folks are male, others female, still others androgynous. . .
2012. Sep 5. Working in a prison therapeutic community for young offenders that is quite highly developed in how it operates democratically, but is still struggling to make it so. Today’s topic is smoking in the community meeting; it’s been brought up previously, but today the pressure is stronger to end it. . . Someone recounts a war story about Harry Wilmer and his Navy project, praising a hospital corpsman who no one recognizes—a phantom? I add another about a patient of Harry’s who didn’t exist. The community is serious, intelligent, resourceful, & good-natured, they have good laughs.
2011. Jul 25. I find my way into a small group of six students who are very serious, discussing greatness in people. Harry Wilmer is next to me and next to him sits an elderly, known shrink who’s on his cell phone trying to connect with his 3 year old granddaughter. I brought John with me and introduced him as my son. I say that Harry is the most creative person I’ve ever met. He seems very humble and good-natured. We’re waiting for the guy to get off his cell phone so we can proceed.
2011. Jun 25. Visiting UCSF where Harry W. used to have his studio-workshop. His equipment is still there for video etc. I run into him and we have a pleasant chat. He leaves. I get some brochures & booklets of events to take place there & hope to be present at some. I’m excited about it, & then realize I’m older, it would not be possible for me to get there physically. There are evening sessions which I couldn’t attend.
2013. Nov. 22. Having a very pleasant conversation with Harry Wilmer in which the military comes up. “Why don’t we go back on active duty, Harry? See what we could do with all that is known about the military & psychiatry since our time.” He shows some interest, brings up some arguments for & against the idea. “Well, perhaps we wouldn’t be able to do very much on the ‘front lines’ any longer, as we’d both be too high ranking!”
New projects 2
1995 [udt] With Harry Wilmer attending the first large group meeting of a new project. There is a lot of staff & we realize that we can’t run that meeting like we used to. We’re walking along and Harry says that we need a new design for the meeting & I laugh saying I was thinking the exact same words. It seems good to be with him again & exciting to think how we can design this new staff meeting—perhaps using video & having a small group, letting the rest observe, rotating the staff each day so all can participate etc.
2013. Apr. 28. Harry Wilmer has started a new group program which begins with a daily morning meeting; talking with him about it as I’m going to become a part. He seems refreshed & open to new ideas. Later I’m talking to another of my “father figures” about Harry’s new program & then it seems like it is Harry—talking to Harry talking about Harry! Seems interested, asks me about my impressions of the meetings. He has some meeting times & dates written on the window of his car or perhaps we’re in a street car; whatever he’s in goes by & so I can’t read them in reverse from the glass as I’m outside.
Harry preps me 1
2012. Jul. 1. With Harry Wilmer, coaching me for some examination or consideration for membership or initiation into an esteemed organization. He has their manifesto, written in a red font.
2. Attending meetings, conferences, workshops, together 9
2012. Jan. 3. At a 2-day weekend conference. I run into Harry Wilmer, who’s in great spirits. I’ve been putting small amounts of money aside for something special, one is in a kind of piggy bank, an attractive ceramic vessel with a wide open top that I’ve been putting dollars into. Harry is curious about it & asks if he can borrow it; when he reaches inside, it has raw potatoes—he takes it anyway.
We look around to see what we can find that looks interesting. I mill about looking for a session to attend & find that Harry is giving a workshop. I open a door into a large hall with a long table where people are sitting. I see Harry, at a sewing machine, preparing to give a workshop; there are several vacancies. I rush in excitedly for I want to see what he’s going to do. And then I see him flying through the sky & I am flying beside him.
2013. Dec. 23. Meeting with some young students, talking about dreams. Harry Wilmer drops by just in time to have a “dream seminar” with us. One guy, a Native American, takes the lead with a dream & follows by playing a recording. I can see Harry eagerly waiting!
Mar 15. At some kind of conference where Harry Wilmer is present. It’s evening, he’s retired to his room and left his door ajar. I cautiously approach, knock and he asks me in. He’s in bed, reading his home newspaper. He’s very cordial and I talk to him about some of the people who worked on the Navy project and what they’ve done since. Single out Lina Stearns and her pioneering work at San Mateo. He seems pleased.
[Later dream] A second night with Harry; again his door is left ajar and I enter where he’s reading his newspaper. I tell him what’s happened to me since the project; again he seems amazed but pleased. And then a man with a Middle-east appearance enters his room from the other side, interrupts our conversation with what sounds like a crisis, which I can’t understand as he’s speaking in a foreign language I don’t recognize. I can’t determine if Harry understands either. And then he falls asleep so I tip-toe out.
3. With/about Maxwell Jones 5
2012. Jul. 24. Someone is nearby in a parked car, & then there is a second one. I listen & hear talking. In one car is Maxwell Jones, Harry Wilmer in the other. They’re talking back & forth. I hear Max asking Harry if he is also receiving an annual $4,500 retainer fee from UCSF? He is. They drive off in their separate cars.
2012. Sep 17. I’ve been working with Harry Wilmer. Maxwell Jones comes to visit with his wife [not Chris] Max has been on a tour, consulting, etc. I greet him & he immediately says how complicated psychoanalysis is referring to the many different interpretations & practices. I say that one of the nice things working with Harry is that he is open-minded & doesn’t impose any one way & that you can have more than a single interpretation. He embraces several in the way he works & thinks.
2013. Aug. 15. Setting: some Northern country, cold, eerie; fantasy things are swirling around blurring objects. And then a figure emerges. As I look closely it’s a combination of Maxwell Jones & Harry Wilmer in that at times the figure resembles Max, other times, Harry.
2013. Jan. 12. Harry’s a consultant to an organization or agency. He’s conferring with folks & an old man arrives who is presented as a retired admiral. He’s very pompous, formal, somewhat distant. It’s unsure what his position is but it seems worrisome to Harry, who is doubtful about his background, etc. The admiral wants to organize a conference where he can present a paper and be the featured speaker. Harry tells me he wants to consult with Max about the situation. I get in touch with Max. In the meantime, the admiral wants to take a week-long side-trip & we hope the situation will have taken care of itself by the time he returns—hopefully he won’t come back!
4. With Harry’s family (wife Jane; children: Mary, John, Tom) 3
2006. Feb. 10. With three of the Wilmer children in a lovely park. We’re pleasantly talking & move from place to place. Mary has red hair which is falling out & is very gracious. I ask about Jane & she tells me Jane is 87 & still getting around. John W. is here, with thick black hair & quite handsome. He has a white shirt on with French cuffs but no cuff links. He’s very pleasant & cordial. Tom, the youngest also has red hair but doesn’t speak.
At Harry’s home in Salado, Texas [with John Maher, my partner]. 1
2006. Sep. 9. John & I are visiting Harry Wilmer in Salado. He’s showing us his many art works, displayed on a large table. Most are ceramics in turquoise. There are mock-ups of monuments & commissioned pieces. After a few days, Harry thinks we should see the sights of Salado & surroundings. While there I have a dream of Harry which I relate to him. [Dream within a dream]
We’re preparing to leave as Jane comes in; she’s younger with red lips, not symmetrical; she has a proclamation of some sort for John. We’re going to separate places. John has forgotten to bring his false tooth along, this bothers him: how to get it? I ask him if he has his airline ticket? He’s vague about it & I suspect he doesn’t have the money for it.
Harry & my father 1
2008. Sep. 5. Harry Wilmer has come to see my father as if a colleague. Later he’s taken off his shirt. I’m surprised to see a young, well-developed chest.
5. Harry’s standing with other “shrinks” 2
1998. Jan. 8. At a meeting where Harry Wilmer is present. I get the idea that he’s not in vogue & that I should “cool it” with regard to referring to him. He’s there & seems to go along with the idea.
2011. Mar. 26. Meeting with Harry Wilmer and I ask him to come home with me. My place is quite untidy. I try to pick up a few things while Harry is looking around. . . He’s curious about my study and I want to remember to ask him if I can keep a document he has loaned me for a longer time (perhaps his autobiography) . . . A young shrink and his wife drop by and I’m delighted as he knows Harry. But as they come in they act as if they never heard of Harry and I get the feeling that for some reason, Harry is on the outs with professionals.
Relationship with Merton Gill [my psychoanalyst] 1
2012. Jul 1. [In a half asleep/awakened state], I’m talking with Merton Gill, inviting him to visit Harry Wilmer’s group at Oak Knoll [Naval Hospital], enticing him by mentioning that William Barrett, Emmy Sylvester & Gregory Bateson have visited. Like to get his impressions. I say I don’t know if I can get any money to pay him, but will try. There’s no response from him.
6. Harry dies 2
2011. Oct. 16. I make some sort of drawing on a 1 inch strip of John’s squared paper, and then fold it in half; something I would have shown to Harry Wilmer, but he’s recently died. I realize what a loss his death is to me. I can no longer go to him for help or backing or friendship: I’m totally on my own which is a bit scary.
I replace Harry/who will carry on? 2
1999 Mar. 5. With Harry Wilmer. We’re doing something together, a project or a paper. Later a dream where I’m back in the Navy & on Ward 55. Harry has left the project and I’ve replaced him.
2009 Sep. 27. With Harry Wilmer. He’s wondering who will carry on his work; there’s a younger guy there whom he offers $2,500.
7. Miscellaneous 2
Resembling Robert Schmeer [physician, former lover]
2012 Jul 1. [While partly awake], I see a photograph of Robert with his goatee and am struck by how much he resembles Harry. Perhaps we could get Robert to play the part of Harry in a skit.
Perilous engagement
2011. Dec 22. Working with Harry Wilmer in his very spacious workroom; he’s writing up a case study of a person he’s been seeing & it happens to be “Larry!” He writes in shorthand which he then reads to me & asks for my comments. That leads to more discussion about Larry & his dreams which, again, he reads.
In our conversation I ask him if he’s ever going to digitize his journals/diaries? He asks me why? I say it is important to get others’ reactions & have discussions before he dies.
I hear the phrase, "Foregoing, if not the soul" coming from Harry or someone else.
[Foregoing: sacrifice; pass by; waive; relinquish]
Maxwell Jones Dreams (2004-2013)
1. Workshops, seminars, meetings 10
2012. Mar 26. Spent 3 days with Max Jones at a professional meeting where we got involved in workshops; introduced the idea of what children in the classroom were capable of. Received extremely well. Stopped over with Max where he’s currently working, office lined with books & has a warm, colorful atmosphere. Someone wants to take a photo of us together. He’s been holding a staff meeting, telling them about the workshop; they’ve been questioning him—a lively meeting. Talking about how larger institutions’ resources can aid projects, e.g., art facilities, audio-visuals, computers, training. Max & I are both operating on a high level, excited about this turn of events, working together in a different way. Max needs to put less emphasis on rehashing happenings, move forward concentrating on what to do next: focus on children. A secretary comes by & tells me I need to write a letter to Junichi Suzuki in Japan. She’s prepared to take dictation.
2007. Mar. 13. Giving a workshop with Max. Afterwards tells me about an interview that I didn’t realize he had made with someone; as he’s telling me it becomes alive as if in a movie; colorful people parading by from his various projects, especially from Dingleton. A woman is talking about three of his books that she prefers.
2011. Apr. 9. I hear about a meeting in Colorado on therapeutic communities with Maxwell Jones & others; it hasn’t gone over very well. Someone puts me on the phone to talk to Juan Corelli in Roma; it’s very noisy, I can scarcely hear him rant & rave. He carries on & on, mentioning that he has been to the Colorado workshop which was a bust . . .
2013. Mar 13. Spending a few days with Maxwell Jones & Chris. Another person whom I can’t identify; Joy Tuxford is there in spirit. As Chris, the other person, & I have been talking about new ideas (or at least interpretations) in therapeutic communities, Max enters in to relate them to what he has already done, hence not new. I think of a paper Joy & I wrote when she was consulting at Chino, wishing I could quote from it, or better still, that she was here in the flesh. I’m thinking about new looks at the community group, of dialogue rather than “therapy.” We’re trying to spell out what we mean—not the old Henderson, Chino, etc., but something different. Max finally withdraws, but appears to be listening, perhaps considering what we have in mind.
[Very intense dream; I had the feeling something substantial was about to occur, perhaps akin to Bohm’s “dialogue groups.”]
2. Working on projects 4
2012. Sep 25. Setting up a huge project in a rural setting—acres & acres of land, all barren. Max plans to establish a settlement, has tremendous visualizations. Is getting a lot of pressure, including from me, for specifics & to begin on a small scale. Difficult to communicate with him as he’s years ahead of me in his visions. There are some others from his past, but they’ve all been “modified.” An attractive young lady who’s very active, a remnant of Jeannette [2nd wife] is one. They’re starting to lay straw on all this barren land; I also see cushions, drinking glasses, & so on, all made of straw. The woman & I are trying to get a small portion cleaned out; downside we can see Max, acres away, in a kind of Don Quixote sort of way, still strewing straw. I’m feeling great frustration as I’ve become a kind of middleman struggling to support those who have become discouraged & want to leave, endeavoring to keep up their hopes while trying not to get too discouraged personally. Ultimately I think the venture is doomed as Max has taken on too much & moving too fast without adequate resources, proper backing, & people to carry it out.
3. Writing papers together (1 on iPad) 6
2012. Jul 24. In a car or the back seat of a taxi with Max Jones, a woman & her young daughter; the woman listening to our conversation. Max, to set the record straight, is critiquing something he wrote with my assistance, that didn’t go over. He’s giving me a lesson in what went wrong urging me to try my hand.
2013. Jun 17. Having a marvelous time intellectually, reading about the new physics, etc. trying to integrate it into the behavioral sciences—no original thinking on my part, assembling what is known. I’ve dropped in to see Maxwell Jones where he’s conducting a meeting of high level social/behavioral scientists. The room is spacious, modern, paneled in blond wood resembling an architect’s office. He seems to have given them some exercise, for they are quiet & looking thoughtful rather than discussing anything. He asks me what I’m doing? Have I come onto anything interesting? I burst forth with what I’ve been reading. He’s curious to hear more & asks me to speak a little louder so the others can hear for he thinks they would also be interested. I’m amused & say, looking at his guests, that I’m reminded of a modern, stream-lined train, with differing beautiful coaches, powerful engines, speeding along, with him as the train engineer/conductor!
I came to see Max hoping he’d look over a paper I’m writing about these ideas. I have it on my iPad. I leave it on his chair hoping he will see it & not sit on it. I presume he’s into the new technologies somewhat & can manage it on the iPad!
4. Of special interest 7
Makeover
2012. Nov 26. At a large professional meeting; Max goes off with a number of the participants where they have a discussion & what amounts to something like a spiritual revival. They return to the total group; Max has put his ideas into a ballad which he now sings. I rush about frantically looking for a recorder, realizing that this is a milestone. I can’t find a proper one, but find a substitute just as Max finishes singing. The meeting has now turned into a conversion with Max continuing to sing his ballad, which is both informative and his voice is pleasant, as if he was sort of a troubadour or profit. Then he goes off with some of the others to find a stone-cutter to make two large crosses. I have the feeling that something tremendously important is happening. An older Chris Jones appears with two women from another meeting. She angrily accuses me of something of which I have no knowledge but she has misunderstood. I tell her so
Dreams
2013. Apr 1. Away from home spending a week or so with Maxwell Jones who is doing some consulting or workshop. I’m telling him about a dream I had which was fabulous; he agrees. The next day I have a dream that continues the previous one. I’m talking to someone about dreams & say to Max how exciting this all is (dreams). He voices his enthusiasm. He has a little white electric clock that has some interesting tiny decals of flowers on the face which turn different colors according to certain happenings—so he’s also in contact with the “paranormal!”
[Dream within a dream]
Bar time
2011. May 21. In San Francisco. Max Jones is visiting for a meeting & to set up a new project. He’s looking for ideas & staff. Wife Chris is along, very friendly. I’m down in the Marina or somewhere, going across town to the Haight, in a little peddled cart that goes very fast, but is hard on my bare feet. I try to find a route that will avoid going up steep hills. I get there and meet up with Max. I volunteer to take him around the Haight & show him places, especially the gay bars. He doesn’t seem too interested; a shame for him to return to the UK & say he only visited a Golden Arches Mac!
Then I learn he has already begun his project & that it’s in the Haight: a thrift shop—with a bar! I’m there with Chris, who turns out to be merged with Elizabeth Beresford! [D’s friend. What an unlikely combination!] The place is large, dimly lit, mainly clothing and books. Part of the books have been sorted, put into some kind of order. Chris & I find stacks of new trays with tissue between them. I’d like one or two, but a male employ says we can’t buy them yet. Chris is very diplomatic & goes out of her way to ingratiate him; he responds. Chris & I look through books to find some on management to help train Max’s staff. A woman I know has donated an old long-haired, fur coat. Another acquaintance comes in looking at things & I show her the coat which she tries on. Around the back near the neck, the fur has worn thin. The woman now becomes Chris. She decides to take it but is not too enthusiastic. I ask her if she knows where Max is & when he’ll arrive?
2012. Jul 11. In a bar on the main street of a small rural town, run by Maxwell Jones, who’s died recently. The bar has become a mecca for those who knew or knew of Max; there’s a throng of tourists in the bar. Recently they’d added $1.00 admission per person. Someone is asking me if I can get this waved for their group, who hadn’t realized that Max was no longer living. I explain that it is a state tax so I can’t do anything about getting them a refund. Chris Jones and her party are also there. I approach her; she’s very pleasant & I explain the reason for the new charge.
Max being investigated
2009. Jan 26. John & I are taking an early morning walk & pick up a Sunday paper. On the front page a small reference to an article, written in red, that Max Jones is being investigated over a trip he has made in the past to some South American country. I try to find the article but can’t locate it.
Max returns to South Africa
2005. Sep 6. Max Jones has returned to South Africa & I wonder if I’ll ever see him again.
5. Max dies 3
2006. Aug 18. Expecting Max Jones over the weekend. Then I find out that he died. I’m preparing a telegram to send to Stuart Whiteley & to Chris when Stuart appears & says they know about it.
6. Max with others 35
Third wife Chris 10
2013. July 1. On my way to call on Maxwell Jones who’s living not far away on the 3rd floor of a Victorian in San Francisco. I’ve been putting off going to see him as there’s something about Chris’s will that he wants to hash over & I’d rather not be involved. As I go inside there’s a strong odor coming from the steps and in the hallways, strewn with used cat litter someone has been using on plants. When I reach the top floor, his door is open & he’s on the phone talking to Chris. He asks me if I’m interested in asking Chris about his will. I reassure him that I am not—that he knows what’s in it, furthermore, I don’t want to be drawn into the matter.
[Strange feeling that they’re both speaking from the dead & that the phone is the medium between them both & between life & death. So as I approach Max, he is both alive speaking to Chris who is dead, speaking to Max who is dead, who in my dream reality is alive. . . It’s possible, therefore, that Chris is alive as well as Max or that one or the other is alive, the other dead.]
Second wife Jeannette; “New wife”; “former wife”; “women” 6
Max & Harry Wilmer 3
2012. Sep 17. Maxwell Jones comes to visit with his wife [not Chris]. I’ve been working with Harry Wilmer. Max has been on a tour, consulting, etc. I greet him & he immediately says how complicated psychoanalysis is referring to the many different interpretations & practices. I say that one of the nice things working with Harry is that he is open-minded & doesn’t impose any one way & that you can have more than a single interpretation. He embraces several in the way he works & thinks.
Max with Joy Tuxford; Pat & Michael Howard 4
2004. May 3. With Pat Howard & Joy Tuxford. Pat says they are disappointed in what I’ve said and haven’t furnished them with Randy’s paper which they need. Joy puts down Max which surprises me.
2012. Jul. 14. [Sat eve., dozing, after a Bastille Day glass of “bubbly.”] At an English country house, a social gathering, Maxwell Jones & Joy Tuxford carrying forth with all the chit-chat, gossip and so on. Very cordial, Max at his best, enjoying the attention and Joy at his side kibitzing and provoking. All very British, especially Joy. I watch all this detached, and at a point, ask Joy if she would like a cup of tea. She would and asks others; several speak up. I leave the group and go to the kitchen. I find the kettle and a teapot but they aren’t large enough, so wonder how I am going to accommodate them. I look through the cupboards only to find 5 sets of antique china in one cupboard and so on. Joy comes in. I ask her if she has a larger teapot but, instead, she tells me about the china. It seems she’s an antique dealer on the side. I mention that perhaps she ought to move (sell) the china so she could have more space in the cupboard; she agrees but continues to elucidate on the backgrounds of each dinnerware set and the component pieces, its history, how each set is related to the other, how she acquired it, its commercial value, and so on.
Max & Juan Corelli; Junichi Suzuki; Stuart Whiteley 3
Max & Dennie’s friends/associates 9
2005. Sep 6. With Robert in bed cuddling. We’re in Majorca. I’m showing Max Jones where Robert and I met; it doesn’t look so well kept-up or as large as before. Max spots a girl and gets involved. She strips down. I make some comment to Max & he takes it as an insult, making some reference to Robert, who now becomes “Duane.” Max insinuates our relationship is over & this saddens me. Then later I spot him with another girl.
2013. May 9. . . . I’m walking with some friends in a rather desolate, busy, elevated roadway in a large city. Suddenly I have to pee; one points to a circular iron staircase going down several levels to the ground where he says no one would be around. I go down but there are some old ladies walking their dogs & I see no spot in which to pee. Eventually I go behind the stairs. Sometime later, at one of the friends’ homes, one has just opened a letter in Maxwell Jones’s handwriting [I could see it so clearly]. He’s inquiring where Dennie is, as he’s not heard from him in a long time (years) & wonders what has happened to him.
Others 7
2013. Nov 5. With Doug Grant & colleague; they’re looking through a Sunday magazine-type advertisement section of Maxwell Jones. About half is devoted to therapeutic communities, social psych, etc.; papers, books and so on that are for sale. The remainder is a women’s fashion section, in color, like you might find adverts for the women’s division of a large department store.
RUNDOWN / ASSUMPTIONS
Now you’ve had it. I’ve withstood attempts at interpretation of these dreams of Harry Wilmer & Maxwell Jones, realizing that my resistance, of course, is sometimes weak! But rather I’ve tried to regard them more as stories, or “narratives,” & looked for the dramatic elements they inevitably aroused. Some indeed mirror psychodramas! For me, they’ve allowed our relationships to continue not merely as reminiscence but for their revelations. They simply just don’t go away. The dream I recounted with Harry Wilmer about “Larry,” for example, brought to light bits and pieces of a real-life encounter that had been festering in my psyche for over half a century, hints coming to the surface from time to time, but I’d not been able to realize their full significance apart from all these clues. I’d even attempted to explicate my feelings by trying to capture them into a novella. And then Harry brought everything together in that one short dream:
2011. Dec 22. Working with Harry Wilmer in his very spacious workroom; he’s writing up a case study of a person he’s been seeing & it happens to be “Larry!” He writes in shorthand which he then reads to me & asks for my comments. That leads to more discussion about Larry & his dreams which, again, he reads. . .
Note. For years my partner John, constantly urged me to make notes about an affair I once had with a younger man, both due to its wider-ranging interest & as a means to better understand myself. He thought the short story form would be appropriate. It wasn’t until after John’s death that I began to look over my notes & they began to take shape, but the narrative became longer than I intended. As a novella, in “Bitchin’ Man!” “Larry,” a semi-fictitious character, is a US Marine Corps Sergeant, returning from Vietnam. The narrator picks him up in a straight bar allegedly for a “one-nighter” that backfires. Both in the sense of being threatened by Larry who, after having had sex, pulls his switchblade threatening the narrator, &, ironically, sometime later they meet again at a different bar. This time Larry gets into a fist fight with another customer; the narrator rescues him just before the laws arrive. They form an intimate month-long relationship ending with Larry’s discharge from the Marines, whereupon he wants to continue his attachment to the older man & is beginning to change his conduct. The narrator, however, gets cold feet as he’s not ready for the intensity of the relationship which resembles the familiar therapeutic “transference.”
“Don’t want to impose on you, but I been thinkin maybe you’d let me stay with you for a while. I could help you fix up your place & maybe I could find a job around here somewhere. . .”
The inevitable had happened. My guts had forewarned me—my mind had cautioned me. The moment for evasion had passed. No more subterfuge.
“I hope you won’t take this the wrong way, Larry. I’m not looking for a son.”
“Sons grow up!”
“Yes, they do.”
Associations/Implications. My association with Harry Wilmer, as friend & colleague, continues in the dream. As dream therapist, Harry enters into the narrator’s relationship with the young Marine—freeing the narrator (namely, me)—from Larry and/or of Larry? If "from" then I am detached (removed, separated); if "of," from a connection; a particular relationship. Which raises the questions of how did Larry get into therapy & how/why with Harry? At any rate, Harry is making it possible for me/Larry to sever/abandon our relationship—or, on the other hand, to change it.
If Larry enters into a dream transference relationship with Harry, it allows him/me/us to develop another kind, differing from the father/son/lover (male mother) one we were drifting into as the novella was ending.
Speculating further, Larry then might have no further interest in the narrator, or again, it might remain, splitting the dream transference momentarily between Harry & the author. He could now see him more as a "buddy," sublimating overt sexuality, or, again, come into a total relationship including sex, which in the novella, they were entering into.
If he completely rejected me, the narrator, how would it have affected the story?
Now, I could rebuff him, as I did in the tale, but as writer, I left the door open literally by giving him a key as we parted; or there’s another way out: permanent separation as Harry replaces me. When Larry’s therapy progresses, the narrator might see him as totally unappealing mentally & physically. The dream of Harry poses another solution, hinted at in the novella. Larry’s attractiveness as a "raw" individual, suddenly expanding and changing during therapy, might cause the narrator to “panic” at the prospect of getting caught up in an irresistible long term involvement—the stuff of relationships!
I was discharged from the Navy in 1958. The affair with “Larry” occurred in 1965. Harry Wilmer died in 2005. “Bitchin’ Man!” was published in 2008. The dream occurred in 2011.
Afterthought. Harry Wilmer & transparency. The dream of “Larry” ended with a sort of postscript:
In our conversation I ask him if he’s ever going to digitize his journals/diaries? He asks me why? I say it is important to get others’ reactions and have discussions before he dies.
Harry spent a good deal of his time in later years writing a memoir (three volumes) which included his dreams, not deposited as part of his archives, nor did he leave explicit instructions as what to do with it. So, in the dream, I ask him if he’s going to make his personal life public, as I’ve decided to do? He asks why? Clearly, to better learn from & understand him & his ideas. The edited "unedited" version of his life.
Note. For a fantasy encounter with Maxwell Jones & Harry Wilmer, come spend an imaginary weekend with Ian Milne & me at Ian’s French country retreat.